so it has been a while Beloveds.  a long season.  a hard but beautiful season.  challenging.  stretching.  and beautiful.

moving.  then working two jobs.  then working four.  now three.  and my dad was sick.  four months of hospitals and nursing homes.  four months of loving him.  four months of seeking to die to myself.  four months of pleading with him (and pleading for him) to be reconciled to God.

but now comes newness.  something different.  still busy.  still three jobs.  still a full plate.  but change in my life.  because there’s change in my heart.

my dad passed away wednesday.  i think the Lord finally brought him to Himself in those last four or five days.  he talked with me about repentance and trusting Jesus in his heart.  and i saw his character change very markedly over those last days.  God be praised.  what a merciful God… i say with a breathed-out sigh of praise and relief.

so how do you walk through grief?  well, lots of ways.  i’ve seen lots of people deal with grief in lots of different ways.  when my biological dad passed away when i was younger i got angry.  angry and bitter.  and mad.  full of it.

and that question is a good one to ask.  one i have asked myself several times over the last seven years since the Lord came into my life.  sometimes asked in preparation, sometimes just in wondering how i would handle hardship like that knowing Jesus… would i be faithful?  would i trust?  would i honor the Lord?  would i praise Him still?

well, yes.  and i am thankful.  thankful because He is the initiator, creator, giver, and sustainer of my faith.  all the saving and keeping work is His.  always.  and He will keep me faithful.  faithful until the end.  God be praised.

so how am i walking through grief?  well, two ways really.

first, spending a lot of time with Jesus.  a lot.

and secondly, spending a lot of time cooking.  a lot.

i made 17 chicken enchiladas night before last.  for two people.  today i made the best sausage balls i’ve ever tasted… and a ton of chocolate chip banana muffins… and i still have ingredients to make about 50 strawberry tarts and another batch of muffins.  this is where singleness becomes an issue in the midst of walking through grief… when it means you’re living in an apartment alone for a week… and you are cooking relentlessly with no family that needs feeding.  and believe me, i am giggling like a five year old girl in a pink tutu as i tell you this because being stuck with 14 chicken enchiladas is pretty hilarious when you think about it.  so what then?  as a single gal loving the Lord in the midst of grief and a whole lot of flour and butter, what does it look like to practically reach out to others with the love of Christ and for the glory of Christ?

well i think it looks like sharing.  sharing food–a lot of food–and sharing how the Lord worked in my dad’s life during his last few days and how i don’t need to despair because my God is a God who is sovereign, good, compassionate and full of grace and mercy.  He is a God who seeks out the lost, heals the broken, gives rest to the weary, and sets the captive free.

God be praised.

God be praised.